Thursday, March 10, 2005



Sorry people for not updating for quite sometime. Lately i have just been so confused, so stressed, so depressed, so angry, so pissed, so psychotic.....My mind is just not stable. I have a lot of things in my mind. One after another things pile up in my head. I walk around aimlessly and i am always in a daze, thinking about why i have to think about these things. Sigh....
The major problem im facing is about school. I see all my friends withdrawing from their course. I too wanted to withdraw. Sadly, i just found out nursing is not for me. i learned it the hard way.
My clinical assessment is today and so is bioscience practical test. Two days ago only i started preparing. Why i didnt prepare early? Because i was still confuse remember..i really dunnoe what to do. So yesterday i really did study for my assessment and thought i would spend the time studying for bioscience after my assessment. I was so stressed yesterday that when i went home, i was having fever, 38.7.....how i wish it was 0.3 degrees higher, so i can be on the verge of dying or sumthing. If it wasnt bad enough i was having fever, i was also having diarrhoea, i was feeling nauseatic (dizzy n vomiting feeling), and i was so tired. Yet i stayed up till 1 am to do some more revision and drug card. Then i retreat to the comfort of my bed, and still i was thinking about today. I made up my mind yesterday that whatever happened to me today will decide my fate in this course. On my way to school today i was even studying in the MRT. Then judgement day came.....i was so fed up during assessment because you were so nervous that sometimes you forget somethings you know. And thus, FAILED MY ASSESSMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck that fucking fuck assessment arrhh!!! I was crying on my way out. I quickly headed to the mcg room, fadhly (from silat) came into the lift, then i looked at him and he say

"asal muke mcm sed....eh!! kau ok tak?" (coz i had tears ah)

It was nice of him to acknowledge, and i told him i failed my assessment and he said thats poly life, its not the end of the world. In the end you will pass. Thanks for the advise fad.
Its true that i will pass in the end but along the way do i have to fall and hurt myself with every step before i can reach the top. By the time i reach the peak, i will be so tired, so bruised and so injured. That is exactly what is happening right now. So i have made up my mind that i am quitting this course. I have even appeal for a course at SP in business admin. And i am not even going for the bioscience practical later...WHeeee!!

I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow just holds such better days
Days when I still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I've survived
I can't wait til I get home
To pass the time in my room alone


I don't wanna waste my time
Becoming another casualty of society
I'll never fall in line,
Become another victim of your conformity and back down

Deadgothqueen went to halloween town at 1:50:00 PM!